Wait, I Did Post This Week...

Hey, if you are frantically looking for new reading material, scan the page. I posted a new top ten list, but it appears under the date on which I started my musings... and it took me a while to conduct the surveys about my most appealing attributes... so, you gotta scroll down. :)

Cheers!

Support NPR

I have nothing flashy to say. Perhaps I have not listened to enough public radio this week--that would explain the doldrums. NPR keeps us sharp and on our toes, so climb out of the gas guzzling convertible long enough to log on and show your legislators that you want them to support Carl Castle, Terry Gross and the gang...

http://capwiz.com/tellthempublicmatters/mailapp/

Did I mention that I want to marry Ira Glass. Sadly, this continues the theme of my life...
all the men I've ever loved are either married, gay, dead, and/or older Jewish guys living in that ivory tower that is public radio.

If you do not know that song, may I suggest you check out Kacey Jones for some good redneck music. Yes, I heard it first on NPR!

Three Plagues Converge

In church on Sunday, the lesson was on the plagues Moses called down on Egypt when Pharaoh refused to let his people go...

Those were not pretty times, but they may have been rivaled by my weekend. The three plagues of a dead car, violent influenza and violenter PMS converged in my bedroom! It was not pretty.

By the time the tow truck had hauled away Nellie and I had secured a ride to the car rental place, I'd have just as soon been washed away in the Red Sea. So, when the lady said "how about a convertible for $15 extra?" you know what I answered. Come on, I DESERVED it. You could argue with my logic, but you'd not only be wrong... you'd also have tire tracks on your backside from my brand new (rented) Mustang.

Sally was all you could hope for from a car... and so much more! I never got why guys liked cars so much, but now I know that I missed the whole point. The point is GUYS LIKE CARS. Ex post facto... something legalese... GUYS LIKE GIRLS WITH COOL CARS. Ex post PMS facto... I LIKE CARS and I am saving up to bring Sally back to the ranch as a permanent family member.

At stop lights men were practically begging to hop in my ride. One oh-so-attractive 50 something gentleman pulled up in a very expensive Mercedes, informed me that he "can go topless too" and proceeded to make eyes at me until I left him in my dust. No one cut me off and complete strangers asked if they could open my car door for me.

Sorry Nellie, but Honda has never made me nearly as popular as a good, old-fashioned American muscle car! Grrrrrrrr! I better slow my Mustang down.

Viva!

When I graduated from college, the world lay at my feet. I had a car that ran well, a head full of big ideas and absolutely no debt. Pretty good, right? What I did not have was a job, but how hard could it be to find a teaching job, right? After a lot of interviews and a couple of job fairs and I had a few very interesting nibbles from prospective employers.

One principal from Round Valley, Arizona told me that he had seen a vision that my destiny was at his school... marrying one of his single male teachers... Next!

San Bernardino County School District offered a different vision--one of me teaching drama in an inner city high school. My brother-in-law (a tough guy from Rialto--when was the last big Rialto race riot?) put the nix on that. Next!

I also had an offer to teach composition and advise on the school newspaper in my home town... at my almamater....

All hail to Central High! A Song of Praise to thee we sing... C-E-N-T-R-A-L
Central Indians, hats off to thee-ee-ee!

I was terrorized by the idea of being on faculty with Mrs. McDowell, my former world lit. teacher. She gave me a 2 out of 10 in mechanics on a masterpieces I orchestrated during my e.e. cummings phase. Next!

Next, next, next! I was running out of options. As a friend of mine frequently tells it, I "was not allowed back in the state of Wyoming..." so I had to think outside of the box.

What about Fabulous Las Vegas and the fastest growing school district in the nation? Did people actually live in Vegas? I had known some people in college who claimed it, but I had seen no actual proof. Still, the city had a four year university, tons of teaching jobs, and a significantly deeper dating pool than Round Valley. I could do it for a year or two of fun and frolic.

In August it will be 8 fabulous years. Where has the time gone? I guess it doesn't really matter. At a critical point in my life I choose the road more often traveled in a RV or trailer, and that has made all the difference. Just keep the good times rolling. Viva La Vegas!

Top Ten List

I do not know what it is about this darn blog that brings out my inner giggley-girl, but I have decided to embrace it. If you read my musings from the beginning (right now that's from the bottom), you've seen a common theme, and you may just be wondering about that illusive guy, Prince Charming. Now, I am not so naive as to think there is just one riding around out there. Rather, I speak of the countless (hum, "countless"... is that too many to number or just "we couldn't find any to count"?) men who could potentially qualify for the honor of being my very own PC.

In order to classify as any particular woman's ideal PC, a fella has to live up to the expectations that she has been grooming since her first pretend wedding. That is no easy task. As I grow older, I realize, however, that my list of "He Must Bes" has slowly, but surely evolved into a list of "He Must Be Okay Withs." With that in mind, I seek to illustrate the sort of gentleman whose particular affinities would prepare him to abscond with my heart.

My Own Prince Charming's Top Ten Turn-ons List:

10. Over thinking it to the point of extensive pro/con listing AND heart palpitations.

9. Excessive use of pillows. (Basically there is no room for him in my bed, because I have one full size body pillow, one sleep-right pillow, and 6 other backup/cuddle pillows.)

8. Dinner time science experiments where I try to copy a favorite restaurant's specialty despite the fact that I only have 1 of the 22 essential ingredients.

7. The natural look! As in "Oh baby, you look so good when you take me out in those sweats and a pony tail!"

6. Girls who dig boys who dig public radio.

5. A passion that means I am NEVER wrong about politics or how to properly load the dishwasher.

4. Mountains of partially read books cluttering the night stand (actually overflowing to cover a 4 1/2 foot radius around the night stand would be more accurate) and piles of magazines taking up residence in the bathroom.

3. An evening of low lights, seductive dancing and 80s rock ballads on the karaoke machine.

2. Drawn-out discussions about the grammar and word choice of public speakers. (Wow, none of these list items are sentences, but all have ending punctuation! Still, I did use the word "abscond...")

As long as I am telling all, you might as well know that these "discussions" (item #2) frequently dissolve into tantrums and throwing things at the TV when the public speaker is discussing the State of the Union. Is that a turn-on?

And the number one turn-on for my very own Prince Charming...

1. Intensely beautiful blue eyes that he can stare into if he ever raises his field of vision by about eight inches (give or take depending upon whether I am wearing the baby blue number).