Take Two Zoloft & Blame It On Your Mother in The Morning

Hypochondriac? Who me? Naw, but I do tend to self-diagnose with various mental illnesses/disorders. A friend recently grew tired of my repeated queries as to whether she thought I could possibly be bi-polar (she said no, but I don't know...). She brought in her well-loved copy of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR), certain that it would quell my obsession and lead to my giving myself a clean bill of mental health. She SO misunderestimates me.

I am happy to report that I got all the way to page 58 before diagnosing myself with any disorders. Progress!

Developmental Coordination Disorder! It’s not too sexy, but does this sound like VegasBabe, or what?

“Performance in daily activities that require motor coordination is substantially below that expected given the person’s chronological age and measured intelligence.”

I do trip and/or bump into the furniture a lot, always have...
At my physical for 9th grade tennis, the doctor took one look at my contused and bruised legs, gave me a knowing, pitying look and softly asked if I would like my mother to leave the room "so we could talk."

It probably did not comfort him that my immediate response was, "No, I'm okay. I just fall down a lot." Hummm, a bit too quick with that reply to a question he never asked...

In high school, my mother threatened to pull me off the speech & debate team if I came home from one more meet with bodily injuries. In one season, I suffering broken glasses (smashed into my face while I was wearing them), got shards of glass lodged in my foot and passed out on the bus due to a probable concussion.

Most girls outgrow gawky, but not I. Just last week I went through a whole box of designer Band-Aids as a result of a tragic wholesale shoe shopping incident. A bit disconcerting, yet, somehow, I take comfort in the notion that none of this is my fault. I must just be another victim to poor mental-health genes. I’ll blame my parents. Even if it’s not Developmental Coordination Disorder, it is surely my big feet… also attributable to genetics. Thanks Mum. Thanks Pops. I love you both madly.

A Well-Armed Educator is a Happy Educator

I meant to post this link a month ago... It is no longer exactly breaking news, but if you don't live in Nevada, you probably missed this one anyway (Heck, most of Nevada missed this one). Senator Bob Beers wants to give Nevada's teachers the right to carry concealed weapons in schools!

Finally the incentive I need to return to the classroom! This could be the answer to our state-wide teacher shortage. Some will give you sob stories about teachers not getting the professional respect or the dollars they deserve. Bologna! I did not go into teaching for the money or to impress people at cocktail parties. I went into teaching, because it seemed like a good forum for controlling others. Let's face it, every teacher is a bit of a fascist at heart.

It isn't until you are in too deep (college degrees, student loans and parental expectations to "be independent") that you realize that those little dearies seated in neat rows of desk-chair combos are just not as respectful or as scared as we were at their age. Now, if I was pack'n some heat, or if those restless students simply suspected that I might be... Bam! An end to silly classroom disruption. Boy howdy! I imagine a loaded revolver resting at my fingertips might have come in handy in a parent conference or two as well.

Can I get a shout back from the teachers out there who might agree with my way of thinking? Leave your comments, please!

Stem Cell Research Enhancement Act

The incoming 110th Congress is all over the news this week. Let's put 'em to work from the start! This changing of the guard brings another opportunity to pass federal stem cell legislation. The Stem Cell Research Enhancement Act (H.R. 3 and S. 5) has been introduced and is expected to move quickly through both chambers. In fact, the House has announced its intention to vote on H.R. 3 on January 11.

Let 'em know how you feel... at least let 'em know if you agree with me!

Update: One house is white and one house is blue.