It's All Just Words... Well, Not Quite!

It turns out that “full body massage” is a bit of a misnomer in the states. The Vietnamese version is much more inclusive, and NO, I did not go to one of THOSE massage places. All is well, and we'll call it cultural exchange. You can direct any comments/questions to the staff at Exotical Spa, Hanoi. Remember, this is a family blog.

Random Thoughts on S/E Asia

1. The vermicelli and crab soup was a mistake. Big mistake—don’t make me laugh, or we will all regret it...

2. Do not think the locals know that their favorite cotton knit separates are actually pajama sets... judging by their pairing them with chic, strappy high heals and trendy bangles...

3. Traffic rules well summed by BS—will give you the edited version: drive wherever the HECK you want, but be sure to toot your horn politely to let the world know you are coming.

4. Shops run by expats have trendy names like Green Tangerine and Things of Substance, but the local proprietors also come up with some creative names! Two of my favorites so far:

Bich Shin
Fashion DUNG

5. Every Vietnamese institution (e.g. museum, temple or historical site) has a sign banning you from bringing in “weapons, explosives, or radioactive substances.” Tourists are advised to please check these at the “leave baggage” and collect them upon departure. I was worried about leaving my plutonium with the coat check girl, but she took excellent care of it and it seems much improved by the thorough scrub and polish she administered.

Sorry to be so long winded... I seem to be recovering from the soup, so I am off to the shops... the count down is on and we have missed just a few stores in the greater Ha Noi area.

There is a Price on my Head!

I will post photos as soon as I get back to my darn cord... in the mean time, picture a cyclo (sick*low)... Vietnamese Pedicab... a bicycle with a large wheelchair welded up front... the least expensive and SLOWEST way to get around Hanoi... a bit unnerving to be in the front as they careen you toward oncoming traffic!

Unfortunately, the word is out and BS and I have a price on each of our heads. Our guidebook said $1 per hour, but the drivers wanted $5. After much negotiating, we agreed upon a price cutting the difference, and we each climbed into our own chariot. I thought we started out in the wrong direction, but who am I to tell the “professional” cyclo driver where to go? Besides, Hanoi is full of one-way streets, so who can keep track.

After about an hour of going in circles, they tried to drop us in front of a street of closed shops. “Not right place,” we calmly advised... There was no running meter, and they were using a lot of leg power, so they wouldn’t lead us astray, right? Right! Unless we finally lucked out and found that unscrupulous group of drivers who were actually taking us to the place where they go to kill and rob you...

They said they now knew where we wanted to go, and we were off again... more circles. When BS had finally had enough, we jumped ship, and began screaming about being cheated. The drivers got off their bikes, parked them on the sidewalk and came to “talk.” Time to bolt! We ran for our lives... our pride and our $5 was worth more anyway...

Trouble is, now every cyclo driver seems to leer... I think the word is out...

The happy ending is that we found a taxicab (he did circle just a bit to run up the meter...) who was able to get us to our dream destination, Ipa Nima (A.K.A. Handbag Heaven). Let me just say, thank goodness they take Visa!

Missy, Wan to Buy Somting?

Before I left the states, a lot of people asked "what on Earth" I would do in Cambodia, and I joked that it was all about the shopping! The truth is, you cannot avoid the shopping. Start to climb out of your car at an ancient temple or wat, and you are ambushed by sweet faced children selling everything from coffee to postcards.

Most have the same shtick… “Madame, where you from? I know your country… capitol is Washington DC… 300,000 million people… fifty states… What state you from?” One wowed me with some good multiplication skills when I said that I did not have a dollar for postcards. She pressed “4 quarters? 10 dimes? 20 nickels? 100 pennies?”

Another entrepreneur tried, "my post card best price EVER--only one million dollar!"

There is no answer you can give that they cannot counter. When they offered books, we tried “we do not know how to read.” Not sly enough, because the vender did not even blink before saying “this one only have pictures!”

This cutie was selling bananas and stuffing the cash in his hat.

Fortunately, shopping is easy for Americans as EVERYTHING is priced in US dollars, even printed menus in restaurant only list US currency on price lists. The down side? Our driver informed us that prices quoted to Americans are generally 3 times those quoted to Cambodians, at least when you are asking about his favorite delicacy… curried spider! I tried to procure some, but alas… it is a regional thing and we did not plan our travel accordingly…

Vietnam Air and Other Adventures

I have been though customs in a Communist country before, and it is always interesting... It was my experience that at a Chinese boarder crossing, about 75% of those entering the country walk right past the armed guards and the metal detectors, not bothering to be bothered. No such luck in modern day Vietnam! Mind you, I was not immigrating, but merely changing planes on an one hour lay over.

I swear that none of the guards could have been older than twelve and none of them spoke English. Still, they enjoy a good round of intimidation… pawing through each and every page of every person’s passport, examining each and every stamp. When it was my turn, he glared at my address for three and a half minutes, before repeatedly examining my face and comparing it to my photo. The photo is, by the way, new and a drastic improvement over my previous mutant-ish image (I swear it appeared that I had one eye in the middle of my forehead).

BS and I landed in Seim Reap, Cambodia at around 7:00 pm on Friday (local time). No identifiable communist guards (this place is a democracy, of sorts…), but still plenty of red tape. We had to fill out three different forms and wait in line for a tourist visa. The first immigration official took our paperwork, passports and $20 US each and began the processing. At the large, rounded counter no less than 15 officials sat; each played a significant role in the processing of our paperwork. They slowly passed the passports down and 15 minutes later… Voila! just like magic we had them back with pretty new tourist visas pasted inside… too bad we still had another line to wait in…

A driver met us. Funny how a man has a sign with your name printed on it (or a name similar enough to your own as to convince you that he is looking for you) and you get into his car and drive off into the dark of the night on almost non-existent roads. What makes us trust these strangers, especially knowing that they know that we carry more cash than they will possibly make in the next 6 months? We have had more than one “this is where they take you before they kill and rob you” type moments, but so far we are still kicking and shopping and enjoying the heat! Most importantly, I am now confident that our driver will not, nor will he be a party to others chopping us up and feeding us to the crocodiles. At $25 dollars a day, Piop is like part of the family...

Wow! At 10 cents a minute, I better get off this darn computer!

PS Vietnam Air is passable, though some “standard” safety precautions were lacking… I always enjoy Asian airline food… always a bit risky, but there is where the excitement is to be found… We had two flights of two hours each and they tried to feed us two complete meals! I forced myself to be happy with just the one round of curry.

Chow Fat Buck Choy... er... something...

After a full 24 hours in transit, I arrived at Big Sister's Hong Kong apartment last night around 9:00 PM HK time. Dropped off my bags, grabbed a bit to eat and headed out to Victoria Park (A.K.A. Chinese New Year Central). Thousands upon thousands (literally... I was stepped on and pushed so much that sometimes my feet did not hit the ground for several minutes) of people crowded around buying and selling traditional New Years decorations and a ton of blow up crap!

Inflatables were the hot item, and they included everything from over-sized scissors that actually moved on some sort of hing to decorative bags or rice and realistic looking fire extinguishers. The really hot items were jumbo inflatable lolly pops (2-3 feet tall). Some of these were decorated with pig heads on top... yep, it is the year of the boar or pig... better yet, I am told it is the year of the GOLDEN pig which only happens every 60 years or so... give or take. Careful, all of those oohs and aahs can lead to asphyxiation and loss of brain function.

We ate some traditional Chinese candy--very good luck at New Years as it signifies a year of sweetness to come-- and drank some fresh sugar cane juice--they were grinding up the cane as we waited.

Now, be careful to avoid unlucky evens that can mar your entire year if experienced during the New Year celebration. At all costs, you should avoid the following:
-buying shoes or pants
-cutting your hair
-sweeping the floor
-buying fried squid from a guy on a bicycle in Time Square

Most of those are traditional, but the fried squid thing is just good advice from a girl who knows.

Happy New Year and Chow Fat Buck Choy... I mean to say, Kung hei fat choi! Except I can't really say that, and people give me funny looks when I say it my way. Must practice the lingo!

Right now, even the FRUIT can say it better than I, but then I do not have on a cute New Years sweater like these wordy apples...

Canalith Repositioning Maneuver

Recently I had a very poor yoga experience... had not been to class in a while, so my proud warrior was looking a bit self-conscious... after an especially long stint at down dog, I hopped me legs forward, rolled up one vertebrae at a time, stretched for a gentle back bend, and swept into mountain pose. The rest of the class paused there, hands to heart, but I kept on a sweeping... swan dive... face plant... and the room kept on a spinning...

After a few days of spinning rooms and questions as to the likeliness of my being PG (BTW, the likeliness is not at all high--no worries mom.), I mentioned the situation to my doctor (happened to be in her office for a full-body bone density scan anyway... just routine stuff... my doctor is the one who is the hypochondriac...). Dr. J insisted on sending me to a ear, nose and throat specialist. Now that was an interesting trip full of dramatic twists and turns (no time for all that now)... Sufficed to say that appointment was for 10:30 AM... at 4:30 PM I was still sitting in the waiting room...

Eventually I met with a very friendly technician named Bob. After a hearing test and some very personal questions, Bob asked, "would you like it if I could fix you today?" And a chorus on angels sang in heaven.

Bob then proceeded to swing me around rhythmically, roll me into a pretzel and dangle my body over the edge of the table. All the while, I was to keep my eyes on the frame of his glasses so he could watch my eyes roll around in my head and gage the degree of dizziness he was inflicting upon me at any given moment. Somehow I managed not to puke on Bob, and that is good, because he is a genius! By the way, my eyes are quite breathtaking. Bob said so, and he is a medical professional.

Thanks to Bob's black magic which I have come to lovingly refer to as my sweet Canalith Repositioning Maneuver, I was healed! The only catch (besides having to enact the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliette before the doctor would prescribe some follow up medication) was that my head had to remain perpendicular to the ground for 24 hours... oh, and no lying on my right side for four days... piece of cake, right?!?

Trust me when I say that those little caveats made life A LOT more challenging than you could ever imagine. For example, I was cautioned to take particular care when brushing my teeth... and it's true... it is impossible to keep your head perpendicular and spit toothpaste without making a big fat mess.

Some lessons just have to be learned over and over again, but I think I finally have this one down. Beware of men bearing pretty compliments... there is always a catch that will eventually keep you and your pretty eyes awake at night!

Kids Can Be Independent Too

I noticed this week that Book Sense has a page devoted to independently owned children's bookstores (not to be confused with independent children's bookstores... which I suppose would only cater to toddlers with good credit and excellent potty skills). Thought it might be worth checking out, unless you live in Wyoming (land that I love). There are currently no independents listed for the entire state... Also notable, BYU bookstore seems to be very independent... at least when it comes to children's books.

http://www.abfc.com/