Rattle Your Dags and Read This!

Crikey dick, I'm stuffed! I lived a bit large over the holiday. Heaps of fun, but I have yet to get a good night's sleep and mend... am going to bust a gut to get to bed just as soon as I...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ... snarf.

Before I drift off to sleep I might explain that you ain't wrong if you're thinking that I have temporarily abandoned my Mother Tongue in favor of the tongue of me Mum (she is trying to blend in with her new Kiwi friends)... Errrg, scary! But, no worries--you too can speak Kiwi!

Cheers!

P.S. Mum, if you're reading this you might post some new vocabulary for all of us!

Dreaming of a White Toothed Christmas

Last night I was lazing around reading "the best book ever!" when I heard the sound of a small motor. As I surfaced from a deep absorption in the pages where Mistress Marilee grappled with the question of which of her many suitors to favor... I realized the sound originated somewhere quite nearby and my thought process went something like this:

Noise? Is my stomach growling? What is that? Who is brushing their teeth? I am the only person in the house with an electric tooth brush! Who is using my toothbrush? Where is the dog? Hershey!

And, yes, Hershey had my tooth brush and a pink sock in his mouth. Hershey eats his own poop (I did not raise him!) and I will be asking Santa for some new equipment, I think.

On the bright side, Marilee chose well--I am sure she and Timothy Reeves (formerly the indentured servant of her recently deceased brother) will live happily ever after at least until the Indians attack again...

Honestly, I NEVER read that kind of book. For that matter, I NEVER wear pink socks.

Dog

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read."

--Groucho Marx

Speaking of good reads, O.J. just wrote a new book detailing how he WOULD HAVE committed the murders if he were not too nice a guy to do so...

I believe that little gem hits the shelves of your local BigBox tomorrow--just in time for holiday gift giving.

I wonder what circumstances could have possibly aligned to make that sound like a good idea for publication... perhaps inside a dog...

No, not gonna go there.

Trust Google? Not as far as I can throw him...

Attacking the beast from within? Google has owned Blogger (hello, this is a blogger blog...) since 2003. It does not, therefore, seem wise to use this as a forum to blog-bag on Google, but those guys are tough and can take the heat, so I am providing a link to a recent article in Mother Jones (a great source for subversive info). The article was very interesting, but they really got me with their closer: "So can you trust Google only as far as you can trust the Bush administration?"

I am googling with caution these days, but I cannot give up on a major corporation that has evolved into a verb! Especially one that loves man's best friend enough to invite dogs to work on a daily basis! Lulu is pressuring me to go over to the dark side, freedom-of-information be damned.

My Rescue Dog is Smarter than Your Honor Student!

I am a wreck. I cannot even open email advertisements from t-shirt companies without crying... not when the world gives us bumper stickers with stats as startling at this one:
9, 589
The number of dogs and cats euthanized today in the U.S.

(Note to BS--This is NOT to encourage you to adopt a pack of Chinese dogs... they are part of the food chain and you should not mess with that.)

Now, there are also lots of cuddly cute t-shirts and lots of self-righteous preachy declarations against those unfit to parent a puppy (just my flavor of wash-and-wear editorial!), so do not let the sad ones frighten you from checking them out this link.

More importantly, take the advice of sage individuals like Betty White and Bob Barker--wake up and spay or neuter your pet! Whatever it costs, the price is right.

Still, I ask myself, "Self, what else can we do about it besides practicing responsible puppy birth control (check)or adopting an entire heard of feral cats?" (I have a pack of feral cats at work if any readers are interested.)

"Well,VegasBabe, you could volunteer at a no-kill shelter (honestly not going to happen for me this month). You could also put your money where your mouth is. Why not use a charity search database, like the one mentioned in your "think Smart" blog entry, to find a worthy cause near you?" I queried.

Alas, my charity search did not turn-up much in the greater Vegas area... but they gave 4 stars to my favorite cage-free cat sanctuary in Lakewood, CO... Okay, it is the only cage-free cat sanctuary I have every visited, and it was a little freaky... Your honor student definitely smells better... Let's just chalk it up to the fact that I was going through a "Be Nice to Cat Lovers" phase of growth.

I have moved on since then--I have the t-shirt to prove it

Metro, In Any Language...

It has to be noted here and now that Wikipedia provides translation of the word "metrosexual" into 21 languages other than English.

No matter your mother tongue, this translates into a lot of lonely women. All I know it that this new breed or ultra-pretty and overly-fluffy men will use up your designer face wash, but they won't take out the garbage. They cannot be depended to remember anyone's birthday but their own, and they spend all their money on shiny trinkets for themselves. Down with metro-man!

By the way, where did the guy go who needed me to tell him when to tuck and when not to tuck? A girl needs a project.